Repent While Ye May

A couple of weeks ago I sent my dad the link for these two YouTube clips. Parodies are almost never funny (I'm peeking at you, MadTV), but these did cause a chuckle to escape ("OK, can we get some of those pills that Cindy McCain stole from that charity?").

Here's my dad's response. Seriously.

Dear Liberal Young Person:

Gay marriage is evil.

Using marijuana is evil under all circumstances—use alcohol like the rest of us. May I recommend Vodka?

Cindy McCain has a lot of pain due to her glamorous hair style and having to have heterosexual relations with a fossil—thankfully they’re married (even though it got off to an adulterous start, more pills please). Stealing from a charity is an oxymoron since: a) everything they have is donated; and, b) they give everything away anyway so WTF?

Shut up and read your Bible, if you can read. Repent while ye may.

Holier than thou,
Dave

When You're in Texas, Look Behind You

It's pretty easy to make lazy jokes about Chuck Norris—especially after his star turn as spokesninja for Mike Huckabee. Norris is this close to taking over the reins as Default Punchline from Hasselhoff and Gary Coleman. (Listen, dudes, I know you think it's funny to informally refer to David Hasselhoff as "The 'Hoff" or get t-shirts made of that fateful meeting between Hasselhoff and Gary Coleman, but I assure you that is not the case.)

That said, there is a piece of comedy that is right under America's noses that we are choosing to ignore. It is called Walker, Texas Ranger, and it deserves some attention.

Observe:



You might be wondering why Gary Busey tried to murder that Special Person with his bare hands. That is a ridiculous question.

Old News from the Interwebs

It's official, nerds! Bob Odenkirk and David Cross are making a new show for HBO:

Odenkirk and Cross co-wrote the project, which will star Cross as himself. He leaves Hollywood to move into a suburban, gated community where he has two roommates, a right-wing conservative and a liberal hippie.

More here.

And it's not a minute too soon.

GQ Wants You to Die Alone

Do you know what they're marketing as men's footwear these days?



(Um, this shoe also comes in a boot.)

Fellows, I'll never complain about my 80 cents to your dollar ever again.

Baby Fluffington

Do you ever catch yourself on Petfinder looking at pictures of precious kitties?

Oh.

Well, allow me to introduce you to Baby Fluffington:



He needs a good home. R U DA HOME?

Baby Fluffington not really your scene? Why not try expert snuggler Scrappy Pants or my semi-formal friend Mr. Downtown?

It's Ironic!

There was an article about Meghan McCain in the latest issue of GQ (which I read religiously due to my love of vaginas and my interest in getting closer to them). Some highlights include:

Meghan’s parents, Senator John and Cindy McCain, bought her this loft around the time she graduated from Columbia University last spring, and the interior looks like a spaceship furnished by West Elm. There’s a giant silver chimney that extends out of her fireplace into the ceiling about twenty feet above. Across the living room is a very stylish and very uncomfortable-looking pod chair. And then there’s Meghan’s prized tchotchke of the moment: a skull that, when you open its mouth, reveals a clock.

“You like it, right?” she asks, opening it for me. “Because I told my friends I’d throw it away if the GQ guy didn’t like it. I totally love it, though! It’s ironic!”

Not to mention:

“He’s a rock star,” she says of [Barack Obama]. “Everybody flipped out, but I think universally women find him attractive. Whatever.”

By the time we arrive at Garduño’s, the discussion has moved on to the Romney brothers’ dad, Mitt. It’s two days after he suspended his run, and we’re trying to puzzle out why voters never really got around to liking the guy.

“Mitt didn’t keep it real,” Meghan says, munching on a nacho chip.

She graduated from Columbia.

More of Meghan McCain's stunning genius can be found here and of course here.

It's so Hard

Our blog is in its infancy. And it's not easy being a baby.