Friday, October 24, 2008

Professional Alarmists

The New York Times has endorsed Barack Obama for the next President of the United States. This comes as a surprise to zero people, but the Times did post an archive of all of their Presidential endorsements all the way back to Lincoln.

Speaking of that Lincoln endorsement, it's probably the most hilarious editorial since the ill-advised Wendell Willkie endorsement of 1944! Am I right?? Ladies?

Anyway, it starts off like so:


A Mr. Lincoln, of Illinois, familiarly known as "Old Abe," age 51, height six feet seven, by profession Rail-Splitter, is to be our next President. The thing seems pretty sure...It becomes a matter of some importance, therefore, to see what is likely to happen in consequence of it. On this point doctors differ. Mr. J.W. Gerard, who talks in italics and deals largely in very poor jokes, thinks Mr. Lincoln intends to split the Union. Mr. O'Conor becomes facetious—very much as a retained and well-bred hyena might be—and thinks Lincoln will live on negroes, to save expense of beef, during his Presidential term.


Then it starts rambling on about someone named Professor Lowe and John Cochrane's balloon style of oratory. The rest of the endorsement tries to assure these "professional alarmists" that Lincoln will probably not have the opportunity to "do much mischief" insofar as freeing the slaves in the District of Columbia and prohibiting the inter-state slave trade.

Oops!

Dear Professional Alarmists, My Bad! Sincerely, The New York Times

2 comments:

Jtvkvc8WycrqXvbv3OrRl6CN said...

Prof. Lowe was trying to cross the Atlantic in a balloon, hence they humorous juxtaposition with Cochrane's balloon style of oratory.

laksmi said...

Now that's what i call journalizm.