Sunday, November 2, 2008

His Spine Shrank



I was in a celebratory mood last night so I went and did something I never do. That is to say, I left my house and saw a movie on its opening weekend. Clint Eastwood's Changeling. Here is my review.

First of all ladies, it's important to remember that if you get a full time job in the 1920s, your son will get kidnapped, and probably murdered by a weirdo and that weirdo's cousin. Every lady in the 1920s was a ghost, incidentally.

Also, the corrupt police will most likely trick you into thinking that some other white child is your white child. But he isn't.

An Irish cop will institutionalize you for questioning him and then you will become friends with an institutionalized prostitute. Sometimes she says funny things, but then all of a sudden she is not in the movie anymore.

If you're Clint Eastwood, the last thing you will want to do is allow this movie to end. It's best to keep it going on for hours, if not days.

Oh, sorry single mom. It looks like you will not see that baby, your son, again. That is because he was hella murdered or something in a chicken coop.

Or was he? You are a woman, so you are not very smart. You do not understand most of the things that happen to you.

Then everyone gets fired.

The end.

Psych, the movie is not over yet.

Yes it is!

No it isn't, because this is how we will end it, if we are Clint Eastwood:

"He just gave me something I never had before."
"What's that?"
"Hope."

4 comments:

laksmi said...

can't stop laughing.

Steven Blum said...

my mind's been changeling, it's all changeling right now, in the process of changeling from not wanting to see some terrible movie with the title changeling to sorta kinda wanting to see the movie changeling just so i can talk to you about how it is totally changeling my views on institutionalized prostitution and the ways in which directors may or may not allow films to end.

Lindy said...

my son my son my son. where is my son? i just want my son back. that is not my son. where's my son? i want my son back! my son! my son? my son!!!!!!!

Meags said...

THAT BOY IS NOT MY SON NOT MY SON WHERE IS MY SON?!