Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Extraordinarily Bad Timing


Four years ago I was contemplating my extreme dislike of John Travolta. The man is a fucking menace to cinema and an assault on the eyeballs. Admit it. Anyway I really felt like I needed to share these feelings with strangers on the internet, so I started an anti-Travolta group on MySpace.

There some to be some renewed "interest" in the group now that a terrible tragedy has befallen Travolta and his family.

From: Audrey

just to let u know i dont even know u but i hate u so much!!!! HOW DARE U DISS MY MAN JOHN TRAVOLTA ARE U LIKE RETARDED OR SOMETHING HE IS THE COOLEST GUY ON EARTH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE IS SUCH A GOOD IDOL WHAT THE HELL DID HE EVER DO TO U?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

PS. oh ya and by the way u shouldnt be talking bc ur picture is SO FUGLY i almost threw up like looking at it!!!

good day to u!!!
To answer your question, "ARE U LIKE RETARDED OR SOMETHING," which I can only assume is a question despite the lack of proper punctuation, yes. I am retarded.

I was born with Down Syndrome, which makes it difficult for me to function on a day-to-day basis. The only thing I am truly good at is creating anti-John Travolta groups and forcing other retarded people to join.

Now to answer your next "question": "WHAT THE HELL DID HE EVER DO TO U?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Perhaps if you knew how to read, you would see clearly posted in my manifesto all the ways in which Travolta has offended me personally.

As for my picture being fugly, I should hope you aren't speaking in a derogatory manner about my mongoloid features. What with my Down syndrome, there's really nothing I can do about that, other than hope that my fellow MySpacers have the foresight and compassion not to mention it.

Sincerely,
Meagan
From: Audrey

im sry..i really am its just u hurt me so bad saying what a bad guy he is bc i met him and he quite a very good person and he tries really hard to help alot of people.

~audrey

im so sry for calling u retarded i didnt know. i didnt meen it personally though i ment it in the being stupid for not liking john


Stunning.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Adorable; Kapow

During the election, a precious fucking child named Damon Weaver became BFFs hardcore with Joe Biden. They "literally" are best friends, for the rest of time.

Then Damon Weaver did something even cuter:



Damon Weaver did this because he wants me to start crying a bunch. You may consider your mission accomplished.

Anyway, wish granted, Damon Weaver! NOW YOU GET TO BE HISTORICAL PALS WITH OBAMA AT THE INAUGURATION, IN YOUR FACE AMERICA.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Alert

Ugh, what happened? The frostbite infected my brain and I ingested too much cheese foods and my brain wouldn't craft thoughts.

Anyway:

Melissa to me
Subject: DENIM OVERCOAT ALERT

I REPEAT-there is a denim overcoat alert in the Chicago area. The victim was spotted at the Monroe train stop wearing a light blue denim overcoat-to the knees. Use caution around this area.


Meagan to Melissa
Subject: Re: DENIM OVERCOAT ALERT

OMG---please tell me it was Britney and Justin circa 1999!!!


Melissa Gill to me
Subject: Re: DENIM OVERCOAT ALERT

No man, it wasn't an EPIC denim overcoat, it was a "I'm gonna molest all your children wearing nothing but this" kind of coat.

Like this, but longer, and LIGHTER.