Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I'm Just Not That Into Listening to Dummies Laugh at Foolish Garbage

This is a whole new era for rom-coms! This ain't your pappy's When Harry Met Sally! Dispatching sage advice for all the fine ladies out who are going to have their tiny minds exploded. KAPOW Hollywood! Because the point of this movie, you see, is for ladies to recognize douchebaggery and then steer clear of it.

"Oh, hey, it's me! Lead character and least likeable person ever Gigi. Boy, I sure could use a boyfriend! I will obsess with every human male I spy. Literally spy. I will spy on them. What? No, I'm not following you! I'm always shopping at Rochester Big and Tall!"

"Hey Gigi, it's me, Romantic Lead. I know, I'm not particularly attractive so it seems weird that I am rejecting you. But I will teach you how to recognize douchey behavior and tell you whom to date and whom not to date. You will mistake my advice giving for romantic overtures, which for some reason enrages me even though I've basically been touching your butt for the last hour or so."

"Romantic Lead! What I, Gigi, truly crave is attention, so this is great! I shall jump upon you after a party and you shall reject me. Oops! But then I will learn a Very Important Lesson, which is that some dudes are douchebags and I should avoid dating them."

"Great news, Gigi! I, Romantic Lead, have Changed My Ways so now we can date! This scene is the antithesis of the rest of the movie!"

"Hip Hop Hooray for us! Let us be wed!"

Then the old man grizzly Kris Kristofferson pokes his head out of his Kristoffercave and everything is OK for a minute and then we all go back to hating the movie and ourselves.

1 comment:

Molly said...

Kristoffercave is the meaning of life. Damn you for making me want to live another day, Hatcha-Maze!

PS...If only I'd seen this blog post 5 years ago!