Monday, May 5, 2008

Si Se Puede!

I try to read actual novels that stimulate the mind, but what's the point? Who am I kidding? I am never going to finish Empire. So instead, I read US Weekly.

Have you noticed how good Madonna looks? Like, kind of too muscular, and in a gross way, but still, like totally hot? Like Wolf from American Gladiators? Sexy!


At this point, I'm sure you're wondering to yourself, "But how do I get massive guns and man hands just like Madonna's?" Fortunately, US Weekly has provided diet advice from Madonna's personal trainer, which they assure me is perfectly safe:

Two pounds a week is the typically advised weight loss, but pro Tracy Anderson says she has worked out a way to safely shed even faster!

This short-term diet "ensures you lose between 3 and 5 pounds a week," says Anderson. The diet bans processed food, dairy and all spices ("They’re bloating and upset your digestive system, which causes you to store fat"), oil and sauces ("They’re just added calories"), discourages drinking alcohol or caffeine (sip 1.5 to 3 liters of water daily instead) and prescribes one serving of whole-grain carbs a day. Once you're at your target weight, adopt a healthy but less restrictive diet.

This is groundbreaking! All I have to do is eat less--and exercise more! Let's see a sample menu:

1 cup Kashi cereal, with ½ cup plain — or vanilla — nonfat rice milk
3 oz grilled chicken breast — or fresh turkey breast (no deli meat!) — with ½ cup each of chopped cucumber and tomatoes
1 cup mixed berries (try raspberries, blackberries and blueberries)
1 cup organic pasta with ½ cup steamed spinach

Come on, ladies! Let's all embrace Ana! Africa does every day!!


Secret Internets said...

I'm just going to let that gym rexi be my trainer.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for these great tips! I think our office mate already does this one to stay thin: Obsessively tapping or fidgeting burns 10 percent more calories. You forgot to mention that Madge does MY insane form of yoga! GOOD TIMES!