Monday, July 7, 2008

You mean, like, in a sexual way?

I used to have this other blog. It was about strange men saying inappropriate things to unsuspecting ladies. That blog is over now, but some of it was too funny to let slip into interweb oblivion.

From 11/14/2007

Last week (two weeks ago? When was that boring ass election?) Lindy and I partied hard at the Dan Satterberg election night party in Burien...which was unsurprisingly boring and totally white.

However, I was there to "help" Lindy procure interviews for The Stranger (and more hilarious tales can be found here, here, and here). And procure interviews I did when I approached the most unbelievable-looking war veteran I have ever seen. His name was Joel Harvey. He was magic.

Atop his long, greasy, mussed locks sat a mesh navy hat depicting what I assumed to be his ship (USS My Brain is Broken). On his stout frame, he proudly wore a satin baseball jacket over a heather gray Mt. St. Helens muscle tee.

Realizing immediately what an amazing opportunity this was to get the most insane interview of the evening, I approached Mr. Harvey.

Me: Hi, I'm here with the Stranger, sort of. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?
Joel Harvey: What? I can't hear out of this ear!
Me (now leaning uncomfortably closer to Mr. Harvey's good ear): Hi, I was just wondering, did you vote for Dan Satterberg?
JH: Yes.
Me: Why did you vote for him?
JH: Because he makes things right. That's why.
Me: Why did you come to his party tonight?
JH: You mean like, in a sexual way?
Me: " "
JH: Also, I like rum and cokes. You know, the reason I came tonight is the same reason I became a first captain in Vietnam.
Me: Dan Satterberg's party is like going to Vietnam?
JH: Yes. Can I get that rum and coke?

Yes you can, Joel Harvey. Yes you can.

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